What they all said. But, hey, you knew I'd love your writing already. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and feedback! I'm glad that with a little more context it does work. I truly have been playing around with how to shift and intro Hayden and their relationship without sounding forced. Nora, What I really admire about your beginning is how Grace struggles with how she has been vulnerable with Cat and Cat has sort of shamed her even if it is unintentional for being the sensitive and thoughtful soul that she is.
I also appreciate your comments to these writers who are taking risks to share. I will be honest and say that I have not read your work but my friend, Michelle Hasteltine, has been talking about Nine, Ten and I have it on my list to pick up. Do you have a middle grade book of yours that I should also add to my list? I would love any feedback on how it works. Thank you so much for your time!
The Summer Before Boys
I had no choice. The line stretched from the scale and out the door. Running was my only option. I mean, if you had figured out just that very morning, that you were the heaviest kid in your whole fifth grade class and were taken to be weighed in public so everyone could know YOUR NUMBER, then you would have done exactly what I did. Hello Dana! Michelle Hasteltine has been great..
I do hope you like Nine, Ten. Now, interestedly.. I don't know what Gae said or read or what your first draft looked like..
- How the Global Economy is Dependent on Christianity.
- Your Guide to Top Rated Golf Shoes?
- THE SAD KING.
- Realizing the Potential of Immigrant Youth (The Jacobs Foundation Series on Adolescence).
- Complimentary Navigation?
- Terminal Target: A Murder Mystery.
I think writers often think they have to explain what they are about to "show us". So why "tell us' what you so beautifully SHOW us. Great first line. I think. And you quickly give us setting. Cares about people.
Baskin and Greel Discover Friendship
Is not angry at those around her, but worried. I love that it begins with action. You are choosing to have your narrator speak directly to the reader sort of by asking us if we wouldn't do the same thing.
- At the Origin of the Christian Claim.
- Ovarian Cysts--the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Woman: the Owners Manual)!
- Colorados Territorial Masons;
- 52 Vol. 1!
- 8 Bit Pulp Volume 2.
And we would! So we relate right away. By placing the scale front and center.. And well, it works. I don't see what the line "Some say you should face your fears Again, I think it is the author's feet showing and not necessarily the narrator. Remember, POV is not only who is talking. The first line has a different vantage point than the following paragraph. It seems more of looking back from a future POV. Ah, thank you Nora! You are giving me so many things to think about! The second line was originally my first. So much good advice. I am so appreciative and need to mull this over!
I am also curious how others read it! Dana- just be careful.. I imagine this can be over whelming.. Don't jump through ANY hoops but your own. Hi Dana.
I remember reading this piece last week, but I didn't go back to re-read the previous version today. My gut sense is that this one works better - You're giving me the information I need without over explaining it.
Kids: Summer 12222
I do, though, agree with Nora, that the first paragraph isn't needed. I love how punchy "I had no choice" would be as a first line. As someone last week said The comment about everyone knowing your "number" definitely resonates. Even if you already know you're among the heaviest, no one would want others to know the exact weight! I definitely want more. I also know kids who would want more. Keep being brave.
And I, too, agree with Nora and Margaret! Nora is right. I had no choice is the best opening sentence! Thank you so much! What is so hard about getting feedback is that there are so many good opinions! I have so many questions for Wednesday's ask anything day! Thank you!!! Hi, Nora! Thank you for a wonderful post. Keep writing and I will keep passing them along. The first line and paragraphs hooked me. I am very curious about Grace her background; her personality.
Being a middle school teacher, this seems real to me and I find that my students love story plots that mimic real life in their middle school lives. Many of my own students, mostly the girls, but even some of the boys, love middle school romance. It could be a conversation at the beginning or a short conversation after paragraph three. Thank you again, Nora!
Baskin and Greel Discover Friendship (Beginning Reader)
It is the last day of school, a half day, and the morning sun is already hot. Summer vacation has begun! Jamie and I walk straight through the front of the campus towards the parent pick-up parking lot.
Do you ever think that maybe if we tried harder and talked with more people, they might like us? I am very grateful. And your nervously about posting reminds me of how hard this is. For you. And everyone and me. I am already wishing desperately that I had not posted my Grace story. Gae, can you take it down.
I want to address everything everyone has said.. I would suggest to every one.. You will never please everyone.. This is hard. And scary. And hard. I love what you are doing here.. Because it's risky. And it's interesting.see
St. Patrick's Day Where to get green food, beer and deals Sunday
You open with a character who is not your main character. We are first introduced to Jamie, who is not particularly likable.. Steve is telling the story, but Jamie is dominating it.
Or rather, is not necessary. We like Steve.. And why, if his father is so rich how he knows this is another big question he is so angry and jealous. Something happened to this boy. He seems to feel he has been relegated to some lower class which is not about money.